To my four fans, including the guy in jail who can't wait to get out and "meat me":
I finished Lend Me A Hand, but was unhappy with the conclusion, so I began rewriting it, but since I have serious ADD -- is that Patrick Dempsey on television? why hasn't he called me yet? --- wait, what was I saying? Oh yeah, since I have serious ADD, I started another story in the interim which I will probably post before I finish the last story. It will have all the elements of a great drama; passion, intrigue, and of course, a talking turtle. Ok, it has none of those things, but it's about my parents' divorce, so it's sure to be substantially disturbing. Even more so than a talking turtle. It will be arriving forthwith. (That's a lawyer word, like "henceforth" and "greedy son of a bitch.")
Oh, went home this weekend. Lots of new material. Apparently my mother "hates the mail." She really truly does. I'm still not sure why; the investigation is pending. And I went to another wedding, the highlight of which was the attendance of the groom's Aunt Linda, who bore a striking resemblance to Charo. I'm actually convinced it was Charo, considering her exotic dancing, spitfire personality, and substitution of the regular wine kaddish with "cuchi cuchi." I was only sad that the Chiquita banana lady didn't make it to the wedding as well. I like bananas. Frankly, if God hadn't intended for men to be obsessed with their own anatomy, he/she/it shouldn't have created so many phallic fruits.
And so I leave you with a snapshot of a conversation between myself and my mother about my desire to change professions, which she adamantly opposes for obvious reasons (1. money 2. bragging rights to her coffee clutch 3. money):
Mom: You're so obsessed with being happy. Who's happy? That's not the point of your life.
Me: So what's the point of my life?
Mom: Making your mother happy.
Monday, May 5, 2008
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5 people with too much time on their hands:
I saw that answer coming from your mom a mile away but it was still hilarious.
I can't wait for the rest of teh story :)
ps not interested in 'meating' you
Are you my brother? Maybe Mom will have better luck with you.
Confusing organization is so ME. I do much better with blogs who jump around from story to story, since that is what happens to mine...except of course, my blog is written by an insane person, who also uses words like forthwith and therefore and aforementioned and (of course) pinhead, shithead and (my personal favorite) 'shut the fuck up you moronic dickwad'.
Clearly, I'm taking the wrong tack with my parenting.
So you want to leave law for writing full time? Or what?
ha! I know I'm one of the four, but someone new found you while I was busy goofing off! ;)
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